By Chia Chia Cheng, CNFM, L.Ac.
It’s been over a month since I last wrote to you. I have been thinking about you.
This morning is the first rain of the month. The birds aren’t singing. No wind blows. The stillness of fall has me reflecting on what is.
This was my third season paddling on the local rivers. I started in April, right on the heels of quarantine. It was the longest season to date. It felt like watching the Avengers movies. I kept thinking the rain and cold were going to come, but then the sun was surprise me another day. I felt gratitude for each extra sunny day.
My time on the river last month was different than the previous months. As I was surrounded by trees and water, thoughts of that young man and his family would drift into my consciousness.
I would think about how his parents have been dealing with their grief over the sudden death of their son How his siblings find solace in his absence. How that young man’s twin is experiencing life for the first time without his brother.
The chatter of the geese and ducks would draw me out of these thoughts. A heron flying overhead would remind me to keep moving forward. A few times I had tears well up in my eyes. One time I paddled despite the involuntary sobs escaping my throat.
I did my last paddle yesterday. I wish to remember what the river looks like, with golden leaves lining its banks. I wish to remember the clear blue sky, the warmth of the sun on my skin. I savored the stillness of the water as I pushed against it. And I felt every breath I took during those two hours I was suspended in nature.
Grief shows up in different ways. It has its own timing. Its own cadence. Your body is a especially adept at housing grief. For some this feels like a wounded heart. For others grief can show up as physical pain.
You can continue to ignore it but that just feeds Grief. Grief is tenacious like the blackberry vines. It keeps growing, sometimes offering sweet fruit, eventually taking over.
This year has been a mixed bag of unexpected grief. As you say goodbye to the distractions of summer and settle into fall, remember to be kind to yourself.
Continue to build your immune system by eating well. sleeping, and moving your body. Find ways to be in nature, breathe, and feel peace.
Sending you thoughts for an easy transition to fall.
